Friendship breakups hurt, often in ways we don’t expect. While romantic breakups get a lot of attention, the end of a close friendship can be just as painful, if not more so. I’ve been through it myself, and it took me a long time to figure out how to heal and move forward. If you’re dealing with a friendship breakup and don’t know how to get through it, you’re not alone. Here’s what I’ve learned about the process and how to cope when it feels like your world’s turned upside down.
1. Allow Yourself to Grieve
Losing a friend, especially a close one, can feel like a death. It’s the end of a relationship that likely held a lot of memories, trust, and shared experiences. When I went through a friendship breakup, I tried to brush it off at first, thinking, “It’s just a friend.” But the truth is, it hit me hard, and I had to give myself the space to mourn that loss.
It’s Okay to Feel Hurt
Grieving a friendship isn’t something to be ashamed of. Whether the breakup was mutual or one-sided, it’s completely normal to feel sad, angry, or even relieved. Embrace those emotions instead of pushing them away. I spent a lot of time journaling, reflecting on the good times we shared, and also on the reasons why the friendship ended. It was a rollercoaster, but letting myself feel it all was important for healing.
Tip: Don’t rush through the grief. Just like any other loss, the pain will lessen with time, but it’s okay to feel heartbroken for a while.
2. Talk to Someone About It
One of the most helpful things I did after my friendship breakup was talk to other friends or family members about what I was going through. At first, I was hesitant—after all, it’s easy to feel embarrassed about being upset over a friendship ending. But opening up to someone who could listen and validate my feelings helped more than I expected.
Share Your Story
Whether it’s with a mutual friend (if that feels appropriate), or someone outside the situation, talking about what happened can provide clarity. Sometimes, saying things out loud helps us process emotions in a way that internal reflection doesn’t. It also prevents us from bottling up the pain, which can lead to lingering feelings of resentment or unresolved grief.
Tip: Choose someone you trust who won’t judge you for being upset over a friendship. You’d be surprised how many people have gone through something similar and can offer support or advice.
3. Reflect on Why the Friendship Ended
Friendship breakups often leave us wondering, “What went wrong?” Sometimes, it’s clear—the two of you grew apart, or there was a specific incident that caused a rift. Other times, it’s less obvious, and the ambiguity can drive you crazy. In my case, the friendship just slowly fizzled, and I was left wondering why things changed.
Was It a Healthy Friendship?
Take some time to reflect on the relationship and why it ended. Was it a healthy friendship, or did it have toxic elements? Were there underlying issues that were never addressed? I realized that in my friendship, there were patterns of behavior that weren’t sustainable—things like one-sided effort or unspoken resentment. Acknowledging that helped me see that the breakup, though painful, might have been for the best.
Tip: Reflecting on what went wrong isn’t about blaming yourself or the other person—it’s about understanding what happened so you can move forward without lingering confusion.
4. Distance Yourself (At Least for a While)
After the breakup, it’s tempting to try and “fix” things or at least check up on your ex-friend. Trust me, I’ve been there—scrolling through their social media, hoping for some kind of sign that they miss me too. But ultimately, I found that distancing myself was the only way I could start to heal.
Stop Checking Their Social Media
This one is tough, but it’s necessary. Continuing to follow your ex-friend’s life on social media can keep you stuck in the past, constantly comparing their life without you to your own. I unfollowed my friend for a while, not out of spite, but because I needed space to heal. Seeing their updates would have only reopened the wounds.
Tip: If unfollowing feels too harsh, try muting their posts for a while. Give yourself the room to focus on yourself without being reminded of the friendship every day.
5. Fill the Void With Self-Care
When a friendship ends, it can leave a huge void in your life. You might feel lonely, especially if that friend was someone you spent a lot of time with. Instead of letting that emptiness consume you, use it as an opportunity to practice self-care. After my friendship breakup, I threw myself into things that brought me joy—whether it was hobbies, spending time with other friends, or just taking better care of myself.
Rediscover What Makes You Happy
Sometimes, friendships can become so consuming that we lose touch with other parts of our lives. This is a great time to reconnect with activities or passions you might have put on the backburner. I started going for solo hikes again, which was something I used to love but hadn’t done in a while. It helped me clear my mind and gave me a sense of peace.
Tip: Try to focus on activities that bring you joy or a sense of accomplishment. It can be something small like reading a book or learning a new skill—whatever helps you feel grounded.
6. Reach Out to Other Friends (Or Make New Ones)
One of the hardest things about a friendship breakup is the sense of isolation it can bring. If that friend was someone you spent a lot of time with, it can feel like a huge hole has been left behind. In my case, I realized I’d neglected some of my other friendships while focusing on the one that ended. Reaching out to those people again helped me feel less alone and reminded me that I still had a support system.
Strengthen Your Other Relationships
Losing one friend doesn’t mean you’re alone. It’s a great opportunity to reconnect with other people in your life or even make new friends. I found that once I started reaching out to others, I wasn’t as consumed by the loss of that one friendship. In fact, it helped me appreciate the friendships I still had even more.
Tip: Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable with your other friends about what you’re going through. Let them in, and you might find that they’re ready to support you in ways you didn’t expect.
7. Let Go and Move Forward
The hardest part of any breakup—friendship or otherwise—is letting go. There comes a point where you have to stop rehashing the past and start looking toward the future. For me, that meant accepting that the friendship had run its course, and that’s okay. Not all friendships are meant to last forever, and sometimes, we outgrow people, or they outgrow us.
Acceptance Is Key
It’s easy to hold on to hope that the friendship could be repaired, or to keep thinking about what could have been done differently. But the most freeing thing you can do is let go of those “what ifs” and accept that it’s over. Once I stopped holding on to the past, I was able to make peace with the breakup and move forward with a lighter heart.
Tip: Remind yourself that it’s okay for friendships to end. It doesn’t mean you or the other person failed; it just means your paths are no longer aligned.
Conclusion: Healing Takes Time, and That’s Okay
Friendship breakups can be incredibly painful, but with time, distance, and a little self-reflection, you’ll start to heal. Remember, it’s okay to grieve the loss of a friendship and take the time you need to process it. Surround yourself with supportive people, take care of yourself, and when you’re ready, let go and move forward. Life is full of opportunities to build new, meaningful relationships—both with others and with yourself.